Why, indeed. It has been nearly 3 years since the end of my former blog and the start of this new one. So much has happened. So much has changed. Now, it seems, for the better, although I wasn't altogether sure it would end up this way.
Over the past few years, my Husband's dear Lebanese grandmother passed away, we moved overseas, and I-- blessedly-- became pregnant with triplets... Only to suffer through a miscarriage about this time last year.
"A" and I also converted from traditionalist Catholicism to Eastern Orthodoxy. That move has been a tremendous blessing in our lives, and has helped to heal us, both individually as well as a couple.
The Church is a spiritual hospital of sorts. We all exist within a world that is fallen and corrupted with pain, sin, and death. That is the bad news. However, there is triumphant news! Instead of merely being "covered" with the grace of God-- and "grace" being understood as "unmerited favor"-- we now understand that grace is actually God's energies acting in the world, and in our lives, to help us to grow, to change, and to become more and more like Him, as His heirs and partakers of His divine nature (2 Peter 1:4).
For a while, while our theology and worldview was changing from a Western Christian mindset to an Eastern Christian one, I wasn't sure what to make of the difference between men and woman, of husband and wife. I didn't know what, if any, role discipline should play in our marriage. Eventually, though, my Husband and I found ourselves again. We found that, while men and women are equals before God (Galatians 3:28), there is a place for wives to be in loving submission to their husbands, in a beautiful, living icon of Christ and His Church (Ephesians 5:22-24; 1 Peter 3:1-7, 1 Timothy 2:11-12; 1 Peter 3:7, Colossians 3:18; 1 Corinthians 11:3,7-9, Sirach 25:1; Sirach 40:23; See also St. John Chrysostom's "Homily on Marriage" and "Homily 20 on Ephesians.")
Perhaps our DD dynamic does not work for everyone. For myself, I cannot deny that the threat of being disciplined with a hardwood paddle, a leather belt, a stingy riding crop, or a doubled-over whip does not send a thrill from my mind to the tips of my toes. It is not merely a sexual thing, though I will admit that being under the authority of a truly dominant, loving, but strict and unyielding leader is a heady reality. Perhaps it is in this way that I truly and proudly understand God and the relationship between Christ and His Church. Perhaps, for me, and for women like me, our marriage is how we truly come to understand, love, and become submissive to God's will. Perhaps I am just broken, and this is God's way of helping to heal me. Whatever it is, having lived with DD and without it, I am a lost and lonely woman without it and a much happier and more complete woman with it in my life.
So why the "Disciplined Housewife?" The phrase came to me one evening, as if the answer to a prayer. I appreciate the double-entendre of being "disciplined" in the sense of working in a regimented routine as well as the meaning of being spanked, whipped, and thrashed. It suits me. And I *AM* a housewife, after all, as my Middle Eastern visa proudly states. Though I struggle with rigid conformity-- imagine that! ;-) -- I do seek discipline in my life, in all ways, and in all areas of it: housework, charity events, and punishment for errant ways.
I hope you will continue this journey with me, as well as offer your thoughts and comments.
With Love,
The Disciplined Housewife
I think I'm engaged to a dominant man. He's 16yrs older than me and has old values. He wants me to say, "Yes Sir", says I'm to be submissive because God commands it, and says he's to protect, love, and take care of me. I think I'm wanting this simple life but my ego(?) fights it. What to do?
ReplyDeleteSo glad you are back! Isn't DD such a good thing for a marriage? ( I know it is not for everyone)
ReplyDeleteAnonymous 7:23 -- Thank you for writing! You pose a good question. This is one I struggle with, too. :-)
ReplyDeleteFor me, I loathe the phrase because it reminds me of my mother. She is a lovely woman in many ways but, given certain aspects of her personality, our rocky relationship in the past, and her marriage relationship with my father are not things I do not wish to emulate in my own life. My Husband wholeheartedly agrees. For us, we substitute "Darling" instead of the dreaded 3-letter word. This does not "trigger" me and it affords him deference and respect, both publicly and privately. Perhaps in the future this will change. I hope it will. For now, though, it works for us.
However, my reasons may be different than your own. If your ego protests responding, "Yes, Sir" and it is not something deeper within your conscious or sub conscience-- which you may wish to explore with your fiancé-- then why not go ahead with honoring his wishes? If you cannot bring yourself to say it, perhaps you two can come up with an equally respectful response. Nevertheless, do not fear being humbled. It is good for the soul.
That said, congratulations on your engagement! I wish you all the best.
With love,
The Disciplined Wife
Dawn,
ReplyDeleteThank you! Yes, I agree that DD is a blessing in a marriage. I think that, even if certain aspects of it are not right for everyone, the basic concepts of love, respect, leadership, accountability, as well as honest and open communication certainly are.
With love,
The Disciplined Wife
P.S. I can't wait to see you next week! It's been too long! :-)